Ally White's very uninteresting blog and things

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-11-15)

1. Lights (20) 
2. Fall Out Boy (16) 
3. Tegan and Sara (8) 
4. Taylor Swift (7) 
5. Lily Allen (6) 

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

9am

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-11-8)

1. Lights (50) 
2. Paramore (3) 
3. Jason Mraz (2) 
4. Queen (1) 
5. The Postal Service (1) 

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

7pm

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-11-1)

1. Adam Lambert (15) 
2. Fall Out Boy (13) 
3. Tegan and Sara (3) 
4. Britney Spears (3) 
5. Beyoncé (3) 

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

5pm

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-10-25)

1. Fall Out Boy (18) 
2. Tegan and Sara (7) 
3. Lily Allen (5) 
4. Britney Spears (5) 
5. Beyoncé (4) 

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

1pm

What a match, I am half doomed and you're semi-sweet

For as long as I can remember, I always have had a weakness for wanting to do everything for my closest friends. I’m forever feeling as if I’m never doing enough and that somehow I should be able to. It means the world to me when I can give people exactly what they want/need all the time. I’m too empathetic and it breaks me down when my friends are in pain. I feel like I can never verbalize the right words to soothe things and I’m always searching for a way to do just that.

I fucking hate that right now this is going to make me out to be a martyr. That’s not my goal. If I could give up everything I had to make sure things were going right for all of my friends right now I would. I hate when they’re sick, when they’re hurt, when they feel lost or scared or alone. I want to be the superhero that fixes it all. BRB buying myself a cape and a spandex suit so I can make the whole thing complete. It doesn’t help that I decided it would be better to just open everything up. To let everything be known, because now I feel even more responsibility. I feel like it’s my fault that things aren’t working. I feel like somehow I’m the person setting things up for failure.

I don’t know how the fuck I’m gonna explain to anybody why I’m down or why I feel like it has anything to do with me. It’ll be opening up a can of worms that just shouldn’t be touched right now. I’m starting to discover that the fall just isn’t a good time of year for me.

4pm

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-10-18)

1. Fall Out Boy (61) 
2. Katy Perry (15) 
3. Lady GaGa (15) 
4. Ashlee Simpson (5) 
5. Gym Class Heroes (4) 

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

3pm

Never means forever

Pete,

When I discovered Fall Out Boy for the very very first time, I’m pretty sure it was when I was 16, drugged up out of my mind on pain medications and anti-inflammatories right after I had knee surgery. It’s hazy and I don’t know why your name didn’t stick, but I remember thinking “those dudes seem nice and that song was cool.” It wasn’t until the summer after that I had a friend point me in your direction again. The first song I remember completely listening to was “Pretty in Punk,” and I remember really not liking it. The irony is now that’s my favorite song. The next song I gave a shot to was “Homesick at Spacecamp” and I started to understand why everybody had a quote from it as an icon.

That’s right around the time I used Limewire to download every song of yours I could. I listened to your stuff non-stop not knowing what was on which album and didn’t really care. At some point I got From Under The Cork Tree, and it became the CD I listened to everyday I went to school the fall of my Senior year. It felt like the exact thing I needed to hear. Before it was a single, I remember clinging to “A Little Less Sixteen Candles” because it made me think of the totally hot girl I’d seen around school wearing Clandestine Industries that I wanted to ask out. At some point I bought Take This To Your Grave, and that became my Spring Semester anthem. It felt like it spoke to all my anger and confusion about why I was 18 and being forced to change. Why wasn’t I lucky enough to have someone to call my own? And fuck you to everybody who wouldn’t be with me. That March I went to my first ever Fall Out Boy show - The Black Clouds and Underdogs Tour. Also right before that I unwillingly was tricked into seeing THOSE pictures, but I got over it. At least the mystery was over. BUT BACK ON TRACK! That show was amazing. To finally see y’all live, pouring your hearts out on stage made me fall in love with the band. I felt like I had just gone to Church and worshiped.

Fast forward to the Fall. I’m starting college. I’m being the cool college student in the dorms and everything. The week my classes start, I get the worst news ever. My mom is diagnosed with Breast Cancer. My world is shook, and I don’t know how to deal with it. So I turned to Fall Out Boy. I buried myself in your music and the fanbase just trying to ignore the realities of what were going on. So much so that for Halloween I cut my hair and went as you. It made sense to me at that point. That December, I went to my second Fall Out Boy show. I was able to meet you afterward and was able to tell you that your music and your Breast Cancer PSA had been helping me deal with my mom’s diagnosis. To keep myself from crying though, I quickly covered with the fact that I was a member of VWT and you recoiled just a little bit. In the end, you still gave me a hug that has meant more to me than any other hug given to me by someone I don’t really know.

Infinity on High hit the scene. It was the perfect album for me to hide under my covers and listen to instead of going to class. The weight of my mom’s treatments and the scariness of being forced to stay in school instead of be at home to freak out over it as well as wishing she’d leave my step father were all taken away as soon as I would play that album. The next time I saw Fall Out Boy, I was lucky enough to meet everybody. The greatest shock - as well as the greatest feeling in the world - was when you remembered me. Honestly, at first I thought it was total bullshit until I had other people confirm that you really were that good with faces. I don’t think that feeling has ever completely gone away. To know that someone I look up to and admire recognized me felt really cool. Also I was having this awkward fangirl moment because ZOMG PATRICK SPOKE TO ME AND WAS NICE TO ME, but still doesn’t change the awesome of Pete Wentz knowing my face. In the fall was another show, and there was that pesky “we’re going to be gone for a while” line came around. In my gut, I wasn’t scared. I rolled my eyes and called B.S. on it. And I was semi right considering you came back to my state to perform a show that very next Spring. That day in April actually opened my eyes to a lot of personal truths about myself. It helped that I had a soundtrack to go with it. That was probably the day that an acquaintance became a real friend for me and we were starting to find that when we went to Fall Out Boy shows, it was always an adventure.

The summer of 2008 was a rocky one for me. I was out of school, we had already been forced to move once and were on the verge of doing it again. I was stuck in the house with a person I honestly loathed and felt as if I had no way out. This was yet another time I turned to the grand ole FOB to fix my problems. I was more or less stranded on an island mentally, and the first time I actually heard the CFOB mixtape was over my phone while talking to a close friend of mine. Even then with it being distorted and shaky, I knew my boys were back. It gave me a bit of renewed hope and as soon as I could I went to steal some free wireless internet and downloaded the new songs for myself. More music to tide me over while I waited for your new album. The weirdest feeling of 2008 was only having one show to go to. The past two years I had gone to a show in the Spring/Summer, and one in the Fall/Winter. It threw me off but I was able to accept it when the promise of a new CD was on the horizon. It just helped lift me up further and gave me hope that when it hit it would just keep me where I needed to be since we were finally changing our lives for the better. And when Folie à Deux hit, boy did it ever. My only wish had been that it really had come out on Election day. Fuck the “gimmick” it was becoming. How awesome to be attached to that legacy? Regardless, the album was this great force that I needed and explained how I felt.

With the Believers Never Die part deux tour, it was my first time actually making a road trip out of seeing y’all. That tour really proved that going to see Fall Out Boy always had to be an adventure. With the monsterous rainstorm that you (YES YOU) brought to the state, trying to figure out when and where we needed to be, as well as this whole crazy story of us flooding our car on the way to our hotel in Houston which led to us getting high with our tow truck driver, even having to miss out on one of the shows made everything worth it. I feel like it made me into a believer. Alright, so now I’m squirmish around big puddles in the road, but otherwise it was all in good fun. It’s why there was no hesitation to do it again for the Blink 182 tour. We bought tickets, made hotel reservations, and went with it. Val and I were able to meet you guys again at both shows, and honestly it was nice to actually see y’all before having to be without for a while. Anybody who has an actual brain can understand why y’all need a break. This entry has only chronicled from late 2006 to mid 2009 and it’s almost non-stop tours and albums and getting to see you.

If it wasn’t for this band, I wouldn’t have found my best friend, and I wouldn’t have made a trip this summer to go visit her. I know I wouldn’t be the same person I am today. I don’t know if I would be better or worse off. Most likely worse off. Just how if it wasn’t for this band, you wouldn’t be where you are now. You wouldn’t have your wife, your friends, your son, your happiness. I know this time off is scary, because each and every one of us is dealing with the very same fear. We don’t want to let you go, but we know better than to force you to stay. I can at least account for myself and say that I will still be here waiting. I’ll still be ready for when Fall Out Boy is ready to be Fall Out Boy again, but that’s not going to stop me from growing up. Instead, I’m going to go back to school and finish working on getting my college degree. I’m going to finally get my driver’s license, and I’m going to visit more of my friends around the country. I’m going to let myself be a new person. Just how you and the rest of the band deserve to do.

For all the love and energy you’ve poured out on that stage, it has not only been met, but exceeded by the words we’ve sang back to you. To quote your own band, “We know this is belated, but we love you back.”

xoxo

Allison

9am

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-10-4)

1. Fall Out Boy (229) 
2. Sara Bareilles (6) 
3. Ashlee Simpson (6) 
4. Christina Aguilera (6) 
5. Prince (5) 

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

10am

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-9-20)

1. Fall Out Boy (31) 
2. Gym Class Heroes (2) 
3. Fiona Apple (2) 
4. Brand New (2) 
5. Katy Perry (2) 

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

3pm